DiNote: I just got home from work to see my house broken into and my laptop stolen. Fucking furious. I had plans to finish this post, but obviously I’m not in much of a mood. I’ll put it out because otherwise it’s garbage, but it’s rough and raw.  Read it or don’t – I don’t care.

 

Yawn yawn yawn. I swear it was minus-90 out, the ungodly freezing meant an empty ACC. Though not like the T-Wolves will ever draw a real crowd unless they start hitting the road with Adrianna Lima. In all seriousness, that’s their best chance of playing for a sellout crowd.

Big news folks: I made my jumbotron debut last night. Yup, caught awkwardly in mid-beer sip, I looked up to see my pasty mug plastered on the screen. Okay, wasn’t totally on my merits, the five hot hardwood whores* behind me probably had something to do with it.

* A pathetic sub-sect of hot chick that lives to tell her friends which pro atheletes she’s fucked. I had to sit there listen to the raspy-voiced ringleader tell all her friends they ‘totally can’t skip out on going to Lobby’ so they can pick up a famous fuck for the night. Apparently she had tabs on Humph (who she apparently has ‘tapped’ before), and Marko Jaric was their primary target. I had to bite my tongue as they argued over his nationality, finally deciding on Italian because, no joke, “his name is Marko”. More proof that stunningly beautiful women are only attractive from a distance.

Nothing noteworthy from last night. Bosh grabbed the easiest 7 boards he’ll ever get, scored at will, and didn’t really have to defend the talented Jefferson because there was no effort to get him the ball. It was painfully obvious that Minnesota’s game plan is ‘let’s just wing it’…because there’s no way ‘keep crossover dribbling until the shot clock expires’ is written on the pre-game chalkboard.

Bargnani and Kapono made some baskets, TJ shredded Telfair, though I’m pretty sure some of those Mini-Ballers could have embarrassed Sebastian. It’s a true travesty when you peak as a ballplayer in high school.

At first I was worried as AP didn’t disappoint in getting lit by yet another average perimeter player as Randy Foye went off for three 3′s and 13 points in the first quarter before disappearing for the rest of the game.

Corey Brewer’s legs look like they’re going to snap.

What’s a non-unsportsmanlike technical foul? Why don’t they just call it a sportsmanlike tech? I can see it on NBA.com front page: ‘”No need for the double negative”, says word nerd Dinosty.’

The halftime Raptors Miniballers, 6-10 year olds from some Philipino league, were awesome, no joke. Crossovers, no look passes, and three 3 pointers! These kids are better than the TWolves.

Minny shot 58% in the first half and 50% for the game yet lost by 22. Decipher that, Coach Whittman.

Marko Jaric’s spandex undershorts were longer than his uniform. Apparently in Yugoslavia, they take their fashion advice from bad 90′s sitcoms.