Kyrie Irving

Somebody feed me a trade rumor so I can keep these daily posts going. Its only May and already the off-season is becoming unbearable with no Raptors activity or news. The club should hire a press secretary just like the White House whose job it is to come out to a podium at the ACC everyday and give a statement, even if dick all is going on. Something like, “Today we have no news but hopefully we’ll have news tomorrow”. And on the days something does happen like Colangelo glancing at a player in a random practice somewhere, we should be notified of every last detail about the player including the birthmark on his inner-right thigh along with the percentage chance of the Raptors offering him a contract. That would keep things moving along nicely.

Now if you were paying close attention to the Raptors during the season you would’ve noticed that Pat Riley is totally in love with Jose Calderon. Riley being a Calderon fan is hardly something unique in the NBA but would he trade the second pick just to get his hands on the Spaniard? Would he pass up a chance at Michael Beasley or Derrick Rose for a 26 year old point guard that has trouble guarding his own shadow and was basically the second best player on a bad NBA team? I doubt it but maybe Riley’s getting soft in the skull as he grows older.

The Knicks could have the top 3 picks in the draft and they’d still fuck things up, so I don’t know why they’re treating that 6th pick like its a chance to draft Michael Jordan. Believe it or not the best thing they could do is trade that pick to a team for expiring contracts as long as they’d take Eddy ‘This vehicle makes wide right turns’ Curry and Zack ‘I swear I have a neck’ Randolph with them.

Pop Quiz: The Raptors have picked at #17 once before, who did they pick? Tick tock tick tock tick tock…Ha! It was Michael Bradley! Another interesting totally unrelated tidbit: Jason Maxiell was picked 26th the same year we picked Joey Graham. Last year’s #17 pick? Sean Williams. The year before that? Shawne Williams. That’s scary!

Here’s a thought: if the Detroit Pistons lose this series they’ll be inclined to blow things up because it’ll be the third straight year they’d lose in the conference finals. Serious GMs don’t stand for that shit and given the emergence of Rodney Stuckey and Arron Afflalo, there might be a SG sale in Detroit and picks would do the trick. The first two to go might be Chauncey Billups and Richard Hamilton and the Raptors would be wise to inquire about Hamilton who at 30 still has 3-4 excellent years left in him. Hamilton would finally give us a legitimate scorer at the guard position since Vince Carter and if one of Ron Artest or Corey Maggette could be added to the roster via trade, it would make us an instant force. I know, I’m dreaming and should probably end this paragraph but not before giving a link to some Richard Hamilton/Ray Allen history.

Here’s something that’s been on my mind a lot – flopping. The reason there’s so much of it in the league isn’t because of Euros or players diving or any of that cuntiness, its because of the NBA rules and the officiating that backs it up. The officials are so quick to call a charge that they ignore when the defender got their ‘position’ and are inclined to forgive any lateral movement that the defensive player was making while the offensive player was in the air or after he had ‘gathered’ the ball. About 50% of the charges called in the NBA right now are either no-calls or defensive fouls. Its become quite aggravating seeing players credited as being good defenders just because they weaseled out of making a play and chose to twist themselves hoping to get some contact.

Joakim Noah got caught carrying a spliff after he was picked up for drinking in public. How dumb can you get? This also forever bans him from the list of “character guys” GMs such as Bryan Colangelo would ever bring on their team regardless of talent. On an entirely different note, did you know Joakim Noah’s mom was some sort of supermodel?

I don’t know if you necessarily need to be deranged to write for The Bleacher Report but you certainly have to be a daft cunt. In today’s excrement of an article, the writer proposes that it would be beneficial for the Raptors to trade T.J. Ford, Rasho Nesterovic, Maceo Baston, and Joey Graham for Allen Iverson. How pointless for all parties involved. Consider subscribing to their RSS feed for gems such as these and other unintended humor.

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