Toronto vs. The Green Meanies, 7pm

5 mins read
Q: If we can’t beat farm teams like Philly, how are we supposed to take on Kevin Garnett’s Boston Beasts?
A: The only way we can win is if they beat themselves.

Even if the stars aligned and Kapono* decided to earn his cash, Bargnani remembered he’s supposed to be good, Jamario’s only shot attempts are dunks, and Jose has 40 assists and no turnovers, I still don’t think we’re supposed to beat Boston**. Just like I’m not supposed to tomahawk over Yao Ming or brush my teeth with Yoo-Hoo, I’m not sure we’re built to beat them. It’s not in our genetic makeup. If we were allowed to put seven players on the court, maybe. And then, only MAYBE. We’d still have to get those seven players to defend the perimeter so Allen, Pierce, House, Posey, Rondo, and Scalabrine don’t feast on us from three (delicious rotting dino-flesh being a delicacy in Boston). The C’s are anything but flawless, as we’ve seen over the past few weeks, and this IS where amazing happens, but still. I don’t like this match-up one bit. I’d rather play any other team in the league – Detroit, the Suns, the Spurs, even big ol’ Admiral clone Dwight Howard.

* I’ve been thinking about this, and perhaps I have been a little harsh on Kapono the player. After all, we knew he couldn’t create his own shot when we signed him, right? So instead of calling Jason Kapono a disappointment, from here on in it will be referred to as the Kapono Situation. So it’s the Kapono Situation that’s driving me mad, to be clear.

** Yes, a little bit of reverse-jinx might be at work here. Every time I predict victory, it doesn’t end well. So, why not?

But more than a few Raptors fans, Arsenalist included, have been getting a ‘feeling’, an itch* festering in their hearts about tonight. This feeling is that the Raptors, fueled by pride, are not going to get swept by the Celtics juggernaut. I want to say I share this feeling, I really do. But most of me can’t help but think that after Doc Rivers called his team out the other night for trash-talking as they Cloverfielded MSG, and KG challenged them to ‘let the scoreboard do the talking’, they’re going to come out and attempt to do just that: A silent, calculated destruction.

*This is one itch I hope IS contagious.

Fun Fact: Eddie House is married to Mike Bibby’s sister. Two of the NBA’s craziest gunners, related? I wonder who wins their shootouts at family reunions.

Girl Talk: Kevin Garnett

KG has an iron claw on his marriage. So the ugly weird nose bitch won’t get much. He doesn’t fuck with her like that and definitely cheats on her. I know. I know Kevin very very well. wink wink He won’t give her ugly ass a baby for a Reason. lol

No! Not KG! I thought he was one of the good guys. Next you’re going to tell me Tim Duncan is unfaithful? Oh wait…

By the way, my new term: Salty jealous chickens, courtesy of some skanky urban poet.

Go get those salty chickens, Toronto!

As I said in yesterday’s post, thanks to you guys we’ve made it to the final round of the Canadian Blog Awards, in both nominated categories! You can vote for the final round HERE. give us a shoutout in both cats, if you can. Pretty please, and all that. Plus, if you just go ahead and vote today, you just might find something special waiting under your pillow when you get home!*

* If you don’t, it’s because your roommate/girlfriend/wife/child/mom already took it. Blame them.


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