Two things I do without fail before I go to bed: Feed my pet cheetah and check Kevin Love’s line. He never fails to surprise, either he’s going something ridiculous like 12-14 from the field or he’s hauling down 25 rebounds. If not that, he has a “quiet” game of 18 points and 16 rebounds. If Kevin Love was a drink I’d mix it with whatever every Raptor has for breakfast. In fact, Colangelo’s best mid-season move might be to sign Kevin Love’s parents and have them work on another Kevin Love and then sign him to a 40-year contract.

The streak hit 10 last night despite a good overall effort from the Raptors. Not that it matters anymore whether we’re winning or losing, the losing is good because all that playoff talk at the start of the season was hogwash to begin with, and it’s finally comforting for everyone to acknowledge that this is a reconstruction effort. However, just because you’re rebuilding doesn’t mean nobody’s going to question you when you go on double-digit losing streaks. A couple weeks ago I burped out a piece about Colangelo’s contract and now the Globe and Mail is bringing up the issue. Colangelo’s saying he’s made no contract demands but there are “rumours” that say he wants long-term security and “no less than” what he’s getting paid now.

Insiders expect the situation to come to a head in mid-February at the next scheduled meeting of the MLSE board. There are rumours that Colangelo, well-ensconced in Toronto and determined to reboot a club that has floundered under his watch, is seeking a five-year deal and no less than what he’s paid now; terms that some in the ownership group might find steep given the pay-for-performance ethos that permeates the executive suite of the majority owner, the Ontario Teachers Pension Plan.

Mid-February? I wouldn’t put it past Peddie to get all romantic and wait till Valentine’s Day to send Colangelo a gift-wrapped contract delivered by Bargnani. Really, if this is true it’s like my cleaning lady demanding a raise after spilling red wine all over my couch, then stuffing herself with Taco Bell before proceeding to clog my toilet. I hate ridiculous demands, if ridiculous demands were a person I’d punch him in the face.

Minnesota, yes. Minnesota are 10-36 and are on a streak of their own – 6-straight losses. They’re good at one thing and it’s offensive rebounding, they collect more than 30% of offensive rebounds which is good for 2nd in the league (Portland). The formidable frontline of Beasley, Milicic and Love can hurt you and the Raptors are liable to feel that hurt if they don’t, as a team, commit to the rebounding cause. They lost last night in Utah probably because Kevin Love only had 22 points and 15 rebounds. They don’t have any major injuries except the one suffered to Michael Beasley when he was dropped as a baby.

Will Love have more rebounds than Bargnani has points? Have your say.

Enjoy the game. Drink. It helps.

  • WhatWhat

    It’s not fair that the T-Wolves have Kevin Love; he’s Bargnani and Evans combined into one player.

  • ghostface

    And yet they still suck…

  • John

    “if this is true it’s like my cleaning lady demanding a raise after spilling red wine all over my couch, then stuffing herself with Taco Bell before proceeding to clog my toilet. I hate ridiculous demand, if ridiculous demands were a person I’d punch him in the face.”

    This was the best. You are right but as long as our fans are happy with the BC’s work and supposrt him with reasons like:
    “Well, he is trying ….”
    “Well, he atleast tries to fix his mistakes and…”

    Then MLSE will have no problem on giving BC another contract. I sometimes wish my boss’s mind set was some of the fans here:

    ” Hey John, Nice try, it is OK that it is not working but you tried”

    ” Hey John, nice work. although the project is late 6 month and we have no results but I can see you are trying to fix your mistakes and ….”

    Or maybe it is BC’s High color shirts and Chrisma.

  • Tim W.

    You have a pet Cheetah? That is so cool.

    And considering that Colangelo has made the Raptors more profitable than they ever have been, I would say he can demand anything he wants. On the plus side, hopefully that means MLSE will give him a lot of leeway on financial moves.

    By the way, of all the post I leave THAT’s the one that gets the Rap of the Day? I bet most people didn’t even get it (especially not in context).

    • brandon

      Of course he doesn’t have a pet cheetah. If he did, it would have bitten off his face a long time ago.

      • Ihatehaters

        I think he meant cheebah.

  • Tom Liston

    Love is beating Bargnani in every category – sometimes by a large margin. Including 3pt FG%. (and yes, he takes about the same).
    Heck of a player. All-star.

    • WhatWhat

      But, but Bargnani can score in moar ways and stuff. Replace Bargnani with Love and we become the wor-I can’t even finish that sentence.

    • brandon

      You may be right but Bargnani is still the better player because A) I want him to be, and B) I ignore all of the evidence to the contrary and see only what I want to see.

  • torontonian_32

    please, Bargnani can’t deliver anything, especially a big contract

  • Mo

    this post was actually hilarious

  • Nilanka15

    I foresee a 22 pt, 75 rebound game tonight by Love…

    Bargnani finishes with 27 pts, on 35 shots (15 of them 3pt attempts), 6 rebs, 1 blks, 1 stl, and 5 turnovers. ALLSTAR! FACE OF THE FRANCHISE! HERE FOR ANOTHER FOUR YEARS!

    Will anyone remember to send an ambulance to cesco’s house this summer when news breaks that Bargnani is finally traded? As delusional as he is, I’d hate to lose a fellow Raps fan 😉

  • voy

    its, like, everyone here is on their period.

  • Hound

    Arsenalist, i think i have a man crush on you. That was the funniest thing i have read. look forward to all your articles and keep up the good work.

    Can somebody with some common sense explain to me what we could get for Bargs in a trade.

    • Theswirsky

      uhh probably nothing because the rest of the league realizes he’s a joke.

      Right now a bag of practice balls would do fine, atleast then he would end up benifiting the team

  • Sauga_Raptor

    Funny, funny read Arse. Thanks for the laughs.

  • Jose

    Darko will post career high numbers tonight, and BC will pay him 50 million bucks for the next five seasons before the trade deadline.

    • Snake_eyes318

      And once BC realizes that Darko is European, he will up it to a $70 million contract…

  • dchoubak

    Let’s go GUNNERS!!!!!!!

    p.s. Big respect to Kevin Love for repping UCLA properly.

  • KJ-B

    I wonder what the new Collective bargaining Agreement will feature? If the players take a roll back a la NHLPA will they get earlier outright free agency like they do @ is it 25 in the NHL? It would be interesting if some of the cap room we’ve got could help us take a run at a Kevin Love in a couple, if he sends out signs that he won’t re-sign with the Wolves…

  • 511

    There’s your donkey balls. Humongous, rotten donkey balls.

    Can I have my Saturday night back, please?

  • Doze

    Jay? Jay? Is that you? Or you gots some others working on your behalf?

  • sangaman

    Bargs individual defense which once used to be good has gone south…Worse than 3 rebounds-Only one foul. NBA big men have six fouls to give…And at least four should be used up at the end of every game–preventing the easy dunk and intimidating the penetrators. Bargs just stands and watches ..again and again….Without reggie the raps are lost.

  • Jules

    Hilarious piece….I laughed out loud reading it!