Raptors Roll Call April 9 vs Hawks

5 mins read

The “roller coaster” edition.

Banks – still stylin’ and profilin’.

Bargnani – kept it under 20 FGA’s, so he shot a better percentage. That’s one plus. No trips to the line, only 6 rebounds, and of very little help to his team tonight.

Belinelli – Marco got into the game and played down the stretch. I’m tuning into CNN as we speak to see if the planet is slightly off axis or not. In any event, he did what he’s been doing all year for us: playing ball to the same level I cross stitch.

Bosh – back in Toronto where I have zero doubt that his posse is reminding him how good he is and that chicks dig guys with scars and stories of massive personal pain. Oh, and the fact you have a kid and a whacko baby momma.

Calderon – know what happens when you don’t force the issue? 5 of 8, 10 assists, 10 points, 0 turnovers, and you have no need to throw a snit fit and throw towels because your peeps boo your lazy ass. Welcome back, Manuel. Stay a while.

DeRozan – i still don’t really get why he doesn’t perform better against athletic teams. Not that he doesn’t score proficiently (heaven forbid), but you’d think it would give him a jolt to sort of step up every now and then and feel challenged. Instead he seems to stall. He had an average DeMar-type night, nothing more, nothing less.

Evans – his starting role was shortived. He was replaced tonight by Amir, forcing Reggie to the back up role again. How did he respond? Well, let’s just say he took one shot from within the paint that went OVER the backboard. Like, home run style. Didn’t touch rim, glass, or even shot clock. Epic.

Jack – the little chihuahua tried so hard in the fourth. Driving, heaving, floating, passing, looking like a little lost boy going to school without his best friend. When it looked over, Jack tried to bring his team back, but fell short.

Johnson – that third quarter of his looked like someone had shoved a bottle rocket up his bum and they threatened to light it if he ever stopped moving. It was like a human version of the bus in “Speed”. Just a nice nice night for Chris Bosh Light as Amir had 18 points, 13 rebounds, and the need for oxygen and fluids.

Nesterovic – The Hawks have Zaza. We have Rasho. It would be unfair to the paying public to sit Rasho in this matchup of European superpowers. Jay bowed to the pressure and had Rasho on the floor for a three minute stretch that is probably already on a mixtape and on the streets in Eastern Europe as we speak.

O’Bryant – as he watched Amir and Reggie pick up quick fouls in the first half, POB just hoped he had put his underwear on. Luckily, we never had to find out as Johnson and Evans toned down their fouling and Patrick could enjoy the rest of the game from his usual perch.

Turkoglu- he looked at ease with that mask as I would wearing a Reggie Miller jersey. Didn’t seem to want to shoot the ball and, frankly, outside of a handful of possessions, he didn’t do a good job of setting his guys up, something that has been a strength of his. Still, Mr. Stat Filler did provide 9pts, 9rebs, 3 assists and nightmares for any child under 8.

Weems – boy it looked like it was going to be a long night when Sonny picked up 2 fouls in the first 2 minutes. You could almost hear Jay’s sphincter pucker up and him mumble “holy crap, holy crap, holy crap” like he was Rain Man. Once Sonny came back and settled down, he did fine and provided some nice jumpers that aren’t highlight worthy, but sweet nonetheless. Finished with a…wait for it…  –25.

Wright – not much to say. 0 for 6, defended well, kept the fouls down and also sprained his freakin’ ankle and left the game. I swear we’ll be hearing soon how Alvin Williams slipped on a banana peel and Micah Nori cut his jugular while constructing a tinfoil hat.

Driving The Bus:  Amir Johnson

Under The Bus:  Antoine Wright

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