Happy New Year! After an amazing 2014 that saw the Raptors go 61-31 overall, we’re all giddy anticipating next-level success in 2015.
With a new year comes a chance to recharge and set some goals to make this next year even better than the last. With that in mind, here are a few suggestions for the defending Atlantic Division champs.
Player: Demar Derozan
Goal: #ProveEm
It’s been bizarre not seeing Derozan on the court these last couple of weeks. Demar has always been about proving his critics wrong. Now comes a new challenge, returning from a long-term injury. If the past is any indication on how this will turn out the Compton native will let his insane work ethic take over and have his 2K rating up to 89 for next season.
Player: Terrence Ross
Goal: Dunk
There’s been way too many layups from Ross this season. He needs to finish plays with more authority. It’s likely a confidence issue with the third year guard, as the mental side of his game hasn’t caught up with his physical abilities. Someone on the team needs to remind him he once did this to one of the most athletic big men in the league.
Player: Greivis Vasquez
Goal: Find Barber
Did someone break Greivis’ heart? His game has been off for most of the season and he hasn’t been keeping up with his usually stellar personal grooming. Maybe he started smoking marijuana on the regular. Either way, it’s a new year. Time for a recharge, forget about the lady or put the bong down. Get up in the morning and get to the barbershop. Return the hair to its former glory and the game will follow.
Player: Chuck Hayes
Goal: Be Chuck Hayes
Whether he’s grabbing rebounds, playing defence or looking to brawl Andre Drummond, Chuck Hayes is a factor. He’s like Charles Oakley Lite. He also drops some sweet Twitter knowledge once in a while. Hayes is a pleasure to watch and cheer for. Looking forward to more of it in 2015.
Player: Jonas Valanciunas
Goal: Develop a Second Pump Fake
Valanciunas continues to develop into an excellent big man. Over the last month in particular he’s shown that he’s on pace to become a legit All Star candidate sooner rather than later.
While most of the success has come from his low post game development, Jonas still likes to pull out his signature pump-fake when squaring up his man. What’s even more amazing is some defenders still fall for it (looking at you Noah). For 2015 Jonas should expand on the pump fake. Perhaps a one-handed version? Maybe something involving a Monica Selas type scream. Next level stuff.
Player: Greg Stiemsma
Goal: Contact NBA.com
When called upon this season, Stiemsma has provided quality minutes for the Raptors. He’s played solid defense and added some size on the floor when needed. He’s a serviceable bench player. The guy needs his profile updated at NBA.com. The stats are correct but his collection of video highlights include clips of Reggie Jackson blowing by him for a layup and setting a screen that caused O.J. Mayo to punch him in the face. All of the highlights are with New Orleans, of course.
NBA.com should switch these up with something positive. Grabbing a rebound, shooting a free throw, cheering from the bench, anything that’s not embarrassing. Greg Stiemsma is a grown man. He’s deserves to be profiled as such.
Player: Bruno Caboclo
Goal: Spend Some Time with a Lady
Whether having trouble checking in to the game or simply not knowing where he was at times, Bruno seems like he needs to have his nerves calmed. During his recent back and forth with fellow Brazilian Lucas Nogueira, Bruno mentioned he was having trouble meeting women: “I think the girls are shy. They don’t come talk to me. I don’t know why. Why?”
The man is literally begging for female attention. Bruno is overwhelmed. He’s a teenager, away from home living like a rock star. He’s like William Miller in Almost Famous. Bruno needs to spend a couple hours alone with some attractive, hardcore Raptor fans in a hotel room and work out the jitters. It’s all about focus.
Player: Lucas Nogueira
Goal: Help Bruno Spend Some Time with a Lady
It will be more of a challenge now that Bruno is playing in Fort Wayne but you’re a professional athlete. Take that professionalism and apply it to becoming the purest wingman in Toronto Raptor history.
Player: Kyle Lowry
Goal: Fix the TTC
The man clearly has basketball figured out so let’s move on to other problems. Public transit in Toronto is a disaster. Admittedly some of it has to do with the endless amount of construction happing on city streets, but there’s also the issue of the system in general. City council is consistently at a loss when trying to solve the problem so let’s have King Kyle take a look at it.
Player: Patrick Patterson
Goal: Step Up Social Media
It’s tough to find anything specific for Patterson. He’s solid in so many areas. Maybe he could put a bit more effort into his Twitter game. He’s uses ‘Wheels Up’ a lot when the team’s plane takes off. Maybe throw in a Top Gun quote every once in a while. “COUGAR!!”
Player: Lou Williams
Goal: 3rd Girlfriend
When news surfaced about Lou Williams relationship situation it became apparent that Lou is living a better life than all of us. He’s a multi-millionaire, hitting buzzer beaters in front of Drake every other night, rapping on Meek Mill tracks and has a girlfriend who also has a hot girlfriend that she ‘shares’ with him.
There’s only so much a hero can do but why not try and bring a third girlfriend into the mix? There’s got to be a way to justify it, ‘Baby you have a girlfriend to share with me so I want a girlfriend to share with you. That way we’re both sharing a girlfriend, it’s only fair.’ Everything else has gone right for Lou for the last few months, it’s worth a shot.
Player: Landry Fields
Goal: Reality TV upgrade
Most importantly, everyone wants to see Landry fully recover from the concussion and get back in the lineup. Not only for his personal health, but he was contributing great minutes before the injury.
In the mean time his agent should be reaching out to reality TV producers and lining up his next move. Survivor has got to be high on the list. Maybe even Big Brother. They’re going to want to avoid any shows with a music connection. Landry was great in Sing Your Face Off but you don’t want to pigeon hole him at this point in his career. This has to be about Landry’s range and ability.
Player: James Johnson
Goal: Include Spin Kicks with Home Game Warm Ups
During the pregame have the inflatable Raptor stand at half court and repeatedly spin kick it in the face. Use the martial arts training to send a message: This is our court. We The North and we won’t be pushed around. If anyone gets out of line, cock the joint back and bang on ‘em.
Player: Tyler Hansbrough
Goal: Learn Martial Arts from James Johnson
Probably a good idea. With the way Hansbrough agitates people there’s a good chance he’ll be able to use the skill on the court in the future if not down the road in real life.
Player: Amir Johnson
Goal: Fix Ankles
Ask your buddy Drake to talk to his Illuminati friends about the cure for ankle soreness. They’ve got it, Drizzy can get it, let’s do this. Looking forward to the results.
Coach: Dwane Casey
Goal: Show the Rock Some More Love
Where’s the rock gone? Casey’s philosophy of pounding the rock and staying the course has worked and his vision of a winning culture is coming to fruition. Let’s not forget the little people or giant inanimate objects that helped along the way. Show the bolder some love. Perhaps include during a post game interview or have Eric Smith feature it during the half. It deserves it.
Coach: Tom Sterner
Goal: Nothing
Stay the course.
