The Greatest Dinner Party

Fred was sprinting around the dining room. How should he set the table? Should Jonas and Serge sit together? They generally like to eat in the same place. Kyle was always so good at serving them food. Serge and Jonas were always raving about how Kyle set the table. Even though one of Kawhi’s old friends said he didn’t want to come to dinner, he came early, and with a smile on his face. Kawhi immediately started helping, grabbing all the plates in his massive hands and piling them on the table. Fred was shocked at how much of the load Kawhi was able to carry, but certain that it would be better if it wasn’t only up to him.

The doorbell rang and Fred went to answer it. When he opened the door, a whirlwind seemed to blow around him. Fred was left in a stupor, and when he got his bearings he saw Pascal.

“Close the door! You’re letting the cold in!” yelled Kawhi.

To Fred’s surprise, Pascal had brought something like 30-percent of the food this year. Last year he and Delon had brought roughly the same amount, but Pascal brought so much this year. He really is the MIP (most improved potluck-guest).

“This is shaping up to be the best dinner I’ve been at since 2014!” a voice beckoned from the kitchen.

“Wait, who’s that?” said Fred.

“Oh, it’s me. Danny.” said Danny.

“That’s so strange I didn’t notice you, you were such a big part of that famous 2014 dinner in San Antonio.”

“Oh yeah, I came in with Kawhi, they tossed me in that big pot of his and said I was part of a package.”

“So, they tossed you in? Like, a throw-in?”

Danny looked at the nonexistent camera in the dining room, and in a monotone voice said: “Yes. I’m a throw-in.”

Smitten with Danny’s company at the party, Fred set to prepping for the dinner again. He got a bit distracted watching Pascal, though. He was carrying the plates from the entertainment room – all the way across the house – to the kitchen, faster than he had seen anyone do it.

Later on in the night, after more of Fred’s teammates had shown up, they were all gathering up garbage. Lorenzo was picking up all the garbage, but didn’t want to throw it in the trash.

“Why don’t you just toss it in Lorenzo? We’ve seen you do it at those 905-parties. You do it all the time.” said Serge, who had shown up to dinner in grey sweatpants, mesh vest, sunglasses and a chef’s hat. Even though he had the proper headwear, the team didn’t allow him near any of the food.

“I just think there are guys here who are better at that than me. I don’t want to do it when you guys are here.” said Lorenzo, as he handed CJ the ball of garbage. CJ attempted to throw the ball in the garbage, but missed badly. Everyone looked around and remained quiet.

“You know these damn pyjamas get all this lint on the garbage, and then I can’t shoot it properly. I never should’ve worn these pyjamas” said CJ.

Just then, Norm got up. “You’re right CJ. Last year I was taking piano lessons, trying to write a song. My fingers got all screwed up and I couldn’t shoot either!” Everyone looked around and considered what that might mean.

Just then, the door opened and OG walked in. After seeing the ball of garbage on the floor, he threw it in the trash.

“I really like throwing trash in from this close.” said OG.

“Is that your favourite part about dinner?” asked Fred.


“Just no?”


Everyone stared at OG, watching him closely. With his shoulders slumped, OG reached across the length of the table and grabbed a piece of bread, then said: “I like food.”

While all that was happening, Jonas was telling Greg how upset he was that he brought finger food. Greg assured him that the food would be eaten even if Jonas couldn’t do it. This turned into a small disagreement about who could eat the most while dropping the least amount of food. Normally, Jonas could grab and eat much more, but he was happy that Greg got a chance to eat.

On the other side of the room, garbage tossing was still the main event. Jordan was making a lot of them. Though, any time Chris reached to scratch his back, his arms blocked the incoming garbage.

“How do you block our shots without trying?” bellowed Delon.

Chris threw his hands in the air, simultaneously knocking a crystal out of the chandelier. The crystal fell in his lap, and Chris threw it into the trash can across the room. Malachi started sweating when he saw Chris make it, and climbed on his back to get crystals to throw. Almost everyone was here. Everyone except Kyle.

The conversation was lively and everyone was enjoying each other’s company, but in the back of their minds they knew Kyle needed to be at the dinner if they wanted it to be truly great. Just then, the door creaked open and Kyle walked in with a big bag of spices and toppings. Everyone realized that what Kyle brought was going to make everyone’s food better. He didn’t just bring one item, but the ability to enhance everyone’s food.

After Kyle had handed out all the spices and everyone had realized how good their food was, Kawhi stood up and said: “This is the best food I’ve ever tasted. I don’t think I could get food like this anywhere else, not even Los Angeles.”

The whole team exchanged glances, and smiled to themselves. Kyle noticed a few pieces of garbage at his feet and without thinking threw them in the trash. After he threw the 6th piece of garbage away, he noticed the whole team was smiling at him.

“F*** you guys. I do this s*** all the time.” said Kyle.

This could be the best dinner ever held in Toronto, maybe the best dinner held all year.

Happy Holidays to all of our RR readers, you are the lifeblood of this site and a very deep thank you for reading my stuff. The start of my first season on staff at RR has been terrific, and a great deal of it is because of how you people have received me.

Have a blessed day.

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